FILMMAKER Q&A - destroyallmedia

I can’t tell you where the story idea for Mistake came from. I’m an intuitive storyteller / writer and never know how ideas come to me but stories often come to me, formed. I see images, the dialogue is literally dictated to me. I know that sounds crazy. Everyone has their process, this is mine. And I often have a hard time analyzing my stories… that’s like editing myself. It’s not what I do. I can however tell you where the seed of an idea comes from… In the case of this film, MISTAKE, I set out to write about a particularly powerful time in my young life. From the time I was born till about the age of eight, I never understood why my parents named me ‘Honey’. It was a girls’ name. And I knew I wasn’t a girl. I would complain to my parents, yet they were remarkably undisturbed about their error. And so, by the time I was seven, I had cut off my hair, I only wore boy’s clothes (SEARS, slim cut jeans, my brother wore Huskies), and I changed my name to Lawrence. I call that, “the year I was a boy”. My parents were cool about it. If they had any anxiety or concern, they never showed it. They must have spoken to the school I attended, because the school was cool also. They all let me live as Lawrence.

And this was a long, long, long time ago.

Living as a boy was not easy. If I felt a sense of freedom, I don’t exactly remember. I “passed” as Lawrence most of the time. The rest of the time, the world let me know I was anything but free to live as a boy. Summer at the YMCA was brutal. Boy fights are brutal.

At the end of that summer, after yet another boy-fight, I told my parents I was done. They were cool calling me Lawrence, but the rest of the world was not. I was eight and I was tired. I let my hair grow out and the very day I had my ears pierced my parents took me to El Coyote restaurant, long before it became a well-known queer establishment in Hollywood. I remember that day, the waiter saying to me, “and what would the young man like?” I was still a boy even when I was trying to be a girl.

As I look back, all these years later, Lawrence is still a part of me. I set out to write about it, and that is how MISTAKE, came into being. When I first started down this road to get MISTAKE produced, (over a decade ago), it was reported that 1 in 5000 people were born Intersex. Three years ago, the numbers changed to one 1 in 3500. About three months before we started shooting, I saw that the numbers changed again, now 1 in 1500, (That would make intersex as common as red hair, maybe more common than identical twins!). Now, I myself was born with differences. But it wasn’t till I learned that under this expanded definition that would include ”a difference in sex linked traits or anatomy", that my differences fall under this definition of “’what is intersex”… again, I learned this, three months before we started shooting…

We are indeed attracted to what we are.

Some of the director’s that have influenced me are Terrence Mallick, Jaco Van Dormeal, Andrei Tarkovsky, Abel Ferrara, and Gasper Noé. Images from their films stay with me still. I can watch their films, literally with the sound off and feel their universe.

MISTAKE takes place “Somewhere in the American South”. I wanted to create the world. In the American South, a "holler" is a colloquial term used primarily in the Appalachian region to refer to a small, secluded valley or "hollow" between hills or mountains. It is a geographical term that has evolved into a key part of the local cultural identity. I wanted to step into this “holler”, that was a world unto itself, speaking their own language out of the King James Bible. It was rural and suffocating, all at the same time. Several of the characters even looked alike, as they were all from the “same tribe”, (and an abundance of redheads). American photographer William Eggleston was a huge inspiration to me for the production design. I’m clearly obsessed not only with period pieces, but a particular time in American history. (My short WIVES OF THE SKIES, took place in 1965). I was diligent in my pursuit of the vintage costuming down to the undergarments and Lily’s flip flops. These details are beyond important to me to. They are necessary for me to tell the story.

Writing MISTAKE and all my writing, is an inexplicable process for me. What I can tell you, is I hear the characters speak to me. And often they won’t leave me alone till I write their scenes. I hear them on my walks or I wake up out of a sleep and they’re talking. I wrote the feature script for MISTAKE eleven years ago. During lockdown, I decided then to write the novel. I wrote the book in seven different voices and when I look upon that influence, William Faulkner comes to mind, his As I LAY DYING.

In my storytelling, verisimilitude is key in all aspects. This is how I approached my directing with these wonderful actors. This story, these people, had to be real. In every scene, I wanted the actors to essentially be fighting for their lives.

It was my hope to find actors who really felt like we plucked them out of this holler.I could go on for days about casting this film. Actress Jiji Hise, who plays Lily, was a combination of amazing actress and type casting. For Lily, I asked the actresses to try a version of the audition in a high, pitched voice. (That’s how I heard her). Lily had no voice. In 1971, somewhere in the American south, her voice would not be heard. It was stuck in her chest from maybe age nine. As the movie goes on, we see this ‘slow girl’, is truly the wisest of them all, we hear her voice deepen as the power of love, her love for Larry, his for her, transforms her.

I knew the first time I met lead actor Dominic Bogart, as with Jiji, that he was LARRY. I watched many of his demo tapes and I saw this “rabid dog”. When auditioning, Dominic carried a tension that was testosterone fueled, and yet I saw glimpses of vulnerability that I knew were necessary to fully embody the character of Larry.

Honestly, it's absolutely how I saw and heard the film. It's set in the early 70’s so there wouldn’t be any distractions. No google, no cell phones, no “Meet up” groups… Larry is alone in this. The lack of sophistication in his testosterone dosage, was present then. They simply didn’t know as much as they know now. (Though if this happened to Larry now, there’s still no guarantees his testosterone would have been lowered.

This film is about being different. Not just Larry, but Lily too. This film is about identity, alienation and love… These are universal themes we can all relate to.

And while the world has come a long way since 1971, some things are sadly the same.

The gender issues are current. They are relevant. If we can examine, learn, and heal from intolerant attitudes of our past, we can move towards a more equitable society where not only intersex people but people of all gender varieties can live free and happy. And really anyone who is forced, or chooses to live outside strict social norms.

MISTAKE is a Romeo and Juliet story between Lily and Larry, and it was important that the audience fall in love with these wonderful characters as much as I did. I worked to have a compassionate view for everyone. What I can tell you is, I feel Larry and Lily in my soul as I do all the characters. I have to. I don't know how to write any other way.

It’s important to remember this film is really a melodrama. My favorite kind of film. We rarely see films like this anymore. People are so stoic now, and I want to see what’s behind that.

I believe the emotional weight of the story can change the way people think about outsiders.

My hope is that if even one person can leave this film with a more compassionate view, and less fear towards people who are different, then I did my job.

DESTROY ALL MEDIA, INC.

How did you come up with your idea for the film? What did you draw your own personal experience in making this film?

What are your influences for this film and your body of work overall?

You have an acclaimed history as a veteran film actress. How did your acting experience inform directing your lead actors?

You’ve chosen to set the film in the American deep South of the 1940’s and 1970’s. Why this era and place, and how is this story unique for its time and also timeless and relevant today?

In Larry and Lily, you’ve created two complex, rarely seen lead characters, with compassion and empathy. How does that central relationship propel the dramatic arc of the film?

What are you working on next?